“If you can think me capable of ever feeling, surely you may suppose that I have suffered now.” -Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility
Falling in Love is easy. It can happen so quickly, when we least expect it. A well-timed compliment gets the heart racing. You see a flash of brilliance in their eyes. The curve of their lips turns upward as you catch them smiling off guard. The tender touch of their flesh summons little bumps on your o
wn. Pupils dilating as you smell the scent around their neck. Finally, your lips lightly press against each others in a moment of sheer ecstasy which crescendos your already rapid heart to a tempo di vivace. Those three little words escape your mouth in a slight whisper the very first time. “I love you,” one says hesitantly at first, unsure of whether or not those impactful little words will be reciprocated. When they are you just want to shout them over and over. Drawing your companion into the tightest embrace, the both of you repeat again and again, “I love you. I love you. I love you.” Falling in Love is easy.
Once you fall in Love, its easy to get accustomed to the routine. Constant text messages, snapchats, facebook tags, tweets, emails, instagram uploads, phone calls, video messages, cards, letters, notes, presents, dinners, flowers, affection. When you fall in love, you become completely dependent on that lover, whether you like to admit it or not. Not a moment goes by when they aren’t on your mind. Everything you see reminds them of you. They’re the first person you have to tell when you get good news. They are the first person you think about when you wake up and the last person you think about before you go to sleep. Once you fall in Love, its easy to get accustomed to the routine.
Falling out of Love is what tests your strength. It hits you like a raging bullet hurling toward your gut at a hundred miles per hour. You’re standing there as your surroundings go void, everything in a haze. You somehow feel simultaneously shocked, devastated, defeated, ill, confused, and numb. Hearing that your companion never loved you. Realizing they weren’t faithful to only you. Coming to grips with the fact that you just weren’t good enough, that you were taken for a ride. Having allowed yourself to dream about a future with them only to realize your time has been cut short. You know that you’ll lie in bed for weeks, maybe even months. All you do is cry. Everything you see, hear, feel, smell, and taste conjures up some memory. You see the person they were unfaithful with, you have read the text messages between them. “Oh,” you say to yourself, “they used to say the same sweet nothings to me…” Things that once brought you immense pleasure and happiness now do nothing but call for fresh tears or indifferent shrugs. There’s so much on your mind, but you don’t know how to string these thoughts together, and never mind that you don’t want to bother any of your friends with your “silly problems.” The world seems black and the only place to find solace is in a darkened bedroom under your blanket. Falling out of Love is what tests your strength.
Learning that falling in Love, is anything but easy is the mark of wisdom. After endless nights of crying into your pillow a new perspective eventually dawns. Once you’ve stopped blaming yourself, saying it would all be different if I only had done this or said that or been more emotionally available, less selfish, more flexible, you realize it was never true love, but rather a heat of the moment lust that was stretched and stretched until it was so thin, it simply snapped. You learn to put aside your bitterness and hatred. You channel your sorrow and fatigue into creating a new you. The lessons you learned must be used to better yourself. Reflections and experiences continually shape and form our life until we finally learn that the first step to finding love in others is to love ourselves. To be the person we need in our life. To pick ourselves up when we fall. The person you thought you loved will always have a special place in your heart, but your old wounds make it safer, more firm, and less susceptible to damage. Learning that falling in Love is anything but easy is the mark of wisdom.
What are some lessons you’ve learned from a painful breakup? Share your stories down below.
Photo One- https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-on-grassy-field-27038/
Photo Two- https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-looking-at-sea-while-sitting-on-beach-247314/
Photo Three- https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-sitting-near-window-viewing-outside-buildings-during-daytime-205817/
Photo Four- https://www.pexels.com/photo/dawn-sunset-beach-woman-39853/